You Want To Talk About Awkwardness or Will That Make You Feel Uncomfortable?

I think about the past, think about all the people that walked in and right back out of my life. How much of it was actually worth it? Whether or not I gained something from it isn't what I mean. What I mean is, how many people were worth meeting in the first place. If you know me well at all you know I over think things to the point of insanity, it makes my observations of people and situations alike, very thorough, but it usually ends up hurting me more than anyone else, it makes me too empathetic and often ends up bringing me down in one way or another. Although if it's to help someone else, particularly someone I love I've always done it regardless, that's not a choice to me.

The honest truth is if you really love someone whether it is as family, as a friend, a lover or a mentor, no matter what the case if you care about that person enough, you put the pride aside that sits between you and an acquaintance. Pride is something that is very important to me and it's not even for a reputation but for the sake of self-worth, so if you are really important to me you know it because I've most likely told you more truth than you would like to hear. That's more than I could say for several people though, you all like to point fingers at other people or situations all to avoid the actual problems or how you actually feel about someone or SOMETHING.

If you're hurt about something or disappointed, why take it out on someone for something that has nothing to do with you and is none of your business? Or why blame things that go wrong in your life on others when it's not their fault? If you're unhappy with something acknowledge it and express it, it's called com - un - ic -a - tion, it's that thing that two people that are "best friends" or are otherwise in a relationship have, without it you might as well not have a relationship at all (if you could call it that). How hard is it really to say "I feel *blah blah blah* because *insert explanation here*? But no you all have to bury your problems until it's impossible to save whats left of the friendship etc.

Out of honesty all of you that DO, do that are full of shit. There's no way around it, how can you call yourself a best friend when you obviously don't act the part? How can you say you love someone to everybody else and then when it's convenient say you're not sure how you feel? How can you say to someone, "I could never replace you" one day and then the next day, say "I met someone that can take your place". It's all bullshit, you know what? You're not obligated to give someone a title so if you don't mean it then don't say it, if someone doesn't mean something to you, don't tell the world they do, people are so engulfed with their own lives they don't care what someone means to you. So why put on a show when no one's watching? Tell the truth, express yourself and suck it up because at the end of the day what've you got to lose, when the only thing worth saving will be destroyed if you DON'T say it?


"Wouldn't the world be better off if we decide..
we don't need our pride anymore"

Hello, I'm Your Worst Nightmare Have You Been Dying to Test My Limits? Well Welcome, You Crossed the Line

Rage, you want to talk to me about rage? You don't know my past, the things I've done, the things I'm capable of. Granted if you're reading this you probably or definitely never will because let me tell you I do a good job of controlling it. Politically correct? Let me say FUCK THAT for once because guess what? Here comes the old me or a part of me because let me not lead you to believe I've been as much of a bitch as many of you think I am.

FUCK LIARS, AND CHEATERS, BETRAYERS, DECEIVERS, PRETENDERS, MISLEADERS and please please please! Forgive me if I missed any others of you that are scum and don't deserve one single thing that you have, no matter how UNFORTUNATE you fucking are. I'm done being so nice to people that don't deserve shit from me, you selfish assholes deserve everything you get and then some. You want to see this part of me, you think I kiss your ass too much and I'm there too much and I give a shit too much? Well then excuse me while I rearrange my priorities and change who I am for you all, you want neglect I'll neglect you like my father did me, treat you like I could care less only to feel guilty when something happens to you like I've watched happen to some, I hate the son of a bitch and I don't give a shit if I ever see him again.

So hate me, go ahead be my guest, I tried to give chances, I tried to give the benefit of the doubt, I tried to care about people's feelings because well I guess that's just me, too kind for my own good and I appreciate the people who feel the same, that are kind towards me without expecting anything in return or me to act any differently than I have, thank you for showing me that SOME people actually care. As for the rest of you, you want me to treat you like shit, like I have been treated? You want me to pass on the vicious cycle of hate and not care who it ends up hurting or killing because at some point that's what it winds up doing that's what causes suicide, some asshole who couldn't be a decent human being, treating someone they should appreciate like they mean less than nothing and letting it escalate to ridiculous proportions. What kind of people are around us that rather that happen to someone as long as it doesn't QUITE kill them. They can be miserable and hurt whoever they like, as long as they can get over it, who cares about the consequences? My patience is DONE, my temper is now cut in half and my faith in people diminished to it's very core.

You want to know what I know about hate? I know that three of my great-uncle's are dead because of it, ONE piece of shit for a father, one alcoholic, drunk, motherfucker that couldn't respect his wife, my wonderful great-grandmother that is going to be having surgery soon, that piece of shit drove them towards the same fucking habits, to numb the pain to try and erase the scars of the beatings, the daily drunken beatings and watching their mother nearly get killed several times, stealing, drugs, alcohol every bad habit you could imagine, followed by every consequence that follows them, THAT'S why I saw ONE die, THAT'S why I never met the other two, one of which was my amazing godfather, THAT'S why my great-grandmother had to bury three of her fucking sons in their 20's and is so negative, she actually expects people to die when they end up in a hospital.

That's what happens when people start thinking of themselves and stop caring about other people, when they put themselves first and say "Fuck you all, I'M the only one that's worth it." Did anybody ever tell you when you stop caring about other people and are too busy being there for yourself to be there for them, the ONE day when you need them most, they won't be there for you?

She ran for the window it was open screen and all, the window of the fifth floor, she jumped out and at the last moment she was caught by the gold chain that hung around her neck and pulled back to safety.

I wear that gold chain around my neck everyday and never forget the importance it holds, it saved a woman I love more than the world itself no matter what discrepancies there have been. She wouldn't be alive if it weren't for this very chain. Her mother's hate passed on from that very same, alcoholic father, my great-grandfather and almost ended her life, from the same habits, the same strand of uncaring and the very thing that could have caused me not to be here. You never know what could have stopped YOUR existence. The parents that beat their son and turned him into a murderer that could have slit your throat before you could even think twice. So now that you've thought about it let me say, TOO LATE, this is what you all wanted right? To be treated like this? To see my "bad side," to see me be a bitch FINALLY because I seem to never fight back? and you mistake that for weakness instead of what it really is? Well? That's what you've wanted all along right? Well you've got it, one cold bitch, with a side of "I don't give a shit" coming RIGHT up. You'll regret this.

"Don't Try and call me a hypocrite
Cause I will do what I want to"