What does it matter, you're not getting any from me anyway
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
ok uhmm I was eating out my girlfriend when she had an std discharge in my mouth. It was so gross now I'm turned off of women. I want sex but when I try to be intimate I just think of that really gross moment and yak. And my face is all covered in warts
Seriously....-_-
Saturday, June 4, 2011
What is you opinion on what sex between two people should mean
It should be passionate and meaningful and the two people should at least have intentions of dating or like eachother at the very least..in a perfect world that would be the case but unfortunately we don't live in perfect world..people have sex simply because they want to with someone they don't care about and it's actually sad how people put such importance on something that isn't neccessary..don't get me wrong I love sex but I wouldn't go around sleeping with people just for fun. I'd rather wait to meet someone I'm actually attracted to or like, even may love of course.
y is it so hard to find someone that you can jus be happy with, from both people view of the relationship??? if i get hurt again, my heart just can't take it. what shud i do?
I don't know that's how life is, I mean I guess if you didn't go through all the bullshit it wouldn't be as amazing when you finally do have that person in your life..however you should never count on love to make you happy because it is one of the almost unpredictable and deceiving things in life..to truly love another...and this has been said time and time again in countless psychology books...but to truly love another completely and irrevocably one must be able to live life happily and successfully without that significant other...so i'd say do some soul searching and focus on the things that make you happy other than relying on someone else's love.
Name one thing in your life that you love. Not just like. It can be a person, hobby, thing, etc. GO.
My girlfriend..she's not the only thing in my life that I love of course but she's an amazing woman that I couldn't picture my life without and I'm always going to feel this way about her.
Pansexual? Cool. Is that your own phrase? Never heard it before! All I can say is your girlfriend is one lucky woman!
Lol no it's somewhat like bisexual just has less to do with the sexual aspect and aww well thank you :). But I'm lucky as well..so you're not gonna tell me who you are huh?
do you give personal massages my friend forwarded me to u
Only if I know the person well enough then I do house calls yes
Monday, March 21, 2011
Favorite color?
umm i have a couple lol red, black, pink some shades of blue like turquoise yea i can't just pick one :P
So why did you put this on your OKC profile?
because i know some people are too shy to get to know someone online
IGOE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!! ok we just had an epiphany!!! lmfaooo hahahaaa loveddd that night! we definitely gotta do that ASAPP =] loveeeee you <3!
hahaha that was so fucking epic i love you!<33333
where do i go to get a massage
i'm a traveling massage therapist but obviously if i don't know and trust someone i'm not gonna go to their house
Ok, so im not the same guy as njkid12.. but i am friends with you on fb and you're smoking.. do you accept pay for friendship? And then from friends we could go on to friends with benefits.. that profile pic isnt fair your gorgeous
umm? that's a little creeper status :P if you wanna know me just talk to me and as for the second part i'm in a relationship...and to the last part thanks lol
What would you do if you were about to have sex with a really sexy guy and his thingy was small?
-_-
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I have a serious issue. People think I am totally normal, but in private I watch videos of horses galloping fast and I get really turned on. WTF is wrong with me? any advice?
If you were really serious you'd message me on fb...if not you're a douche
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
what's that bra size baby girl?
1. I've answered this before and 2.That's not really anybody's business
I am an overweight, poor, and violence-prone Latino who was unfortunately gifted by God with an extremely small penis. Do you have any advice on how to overcome these obstacles so I can find the love of my life and appreciate my Chicano heritage?
Well...this is kind of a personal question, but there's not much complexity to this question lol work-out, eat healthy, don't drink excessively or at all if you can help it...anger management classes or a way to let out stress helps anger issues and as for the last one self-confidence is crucial lol even though I obviously can't speak from a guys point of view :P
Do you think people are more inclined to make unfair judgments about you before they get to know you because you are a vocal member of the bisexual community?
I think some people do. I'm not overly paranoid but yea sometimes I feel I'm being judged for it, I guess you can call it unfair..but then again many things in life are
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I Believe in Nothing but the Beating of Our Hearts...I Believe in Nothing but the Truth of Who We Are
So I've been meaning to blog for quite a while now, but every time I went to type something I'd either lose motivation or get distracted, this is the first time in a while that I've been home alone, left with only the resounding thoughts within my mind. So how to recap the last few months... Realistically I can't, so much has happened, losing touch with some friends, gaining stronger bonds with others, and crazy relationship drama that almost made me write one or two drunken blogs. I wouldn't have regretted it, but rather I realized it wasn't worth writing about for it would've only worsened my state of mind at the time, and God knows I didn't need to do that.
So what is there big and important to say? I fell in love with her, oddly enough we met the same day as I met my other favorite girl, but things always seem to have patterns in my life as strange as that may seem. Well...some arguments, a few dates, two sketches, a promise ring, and most recently and diamond necklace later, somehow this crazy relationship has held together. Do we love each other? Yes, in an unconventional, unorthodox way, but nonetheless we do. Will that change? Without question. And will we end up with other people? There's not a doubt in my mind. Can I/Do I love other people? Possibly/most definitely there's something that's always ran through my mind.
And is it possible to love more than one? Well of course it is, if one believes there is multiple soul mates in the world for us, then as unlikely as it is to find even one, it is possible to find more than one. Even if you don't believe in multiple soul mates, there is always the question of, if you can love someone like a sister and someone like a mother, someone like a cousin and someone like a best friend, well then in a world where nothing is black and white, one that is made up of many shades and hues, is it not possible to fall in love with more than one person? And love them at different intensities, for different reasons, that are not in any way reasonable?
So I do love him, he's a complete sweetheart and there is physical attraction there, but of course the intensity of my love for him fails in comparison to what I feel for all three of them. As harsh as this sounds, it's somewhat like placing a diamond next to stars, it will still have brilliancy, but will not come close to the shimmer of the stars around it, and yet it holds it own unique value.
Her I love because even though we're miles apart there seems to be no one that understands me better, I do question if we would be together, if she only lived closer or even be soul mates, but that one day is going to determine the true intensity of our relationship beyond being just friends.
She's just a mystery, and of course in this situation I always question timing, it always seemed to be about timing, whether it was when we met, how fast things moved, what point we were in our lives and even things as simple as not being home at the right time, but of course there is nothing I would change, things happened(even if it's not the case in some situations), in this case I believe everything happened for reason.
I lost that one important thing, that I had kept for so long, the thing that caused a fight between him and I. It was a mix of feelings both physical and mental, and if I could go back I wouldn't, the relationship between us was always complicated. There was always this sense of wonderment, one of those, "If I don't take a chance, I'm always going to wonder what could've been." He's far from perfect, but somehow there was always something that drew me to him, this sort of attraction, at this point I don't know if things will ever be the same or even if I'll ever see him again, but of course he's someone I will never forget.
And of course of everything that happened in 2009 I can't forget, Marcella Dawson, a great woman and an even greater, grandmother, mother and of course wife, she passed on December 19th which in my eyes and the eyes of my family, caused the world to be less of a place. And of course once again, this sent my mind on a wild train of thoughts, but of all the thoughts that crossed my mind one stuck out the most, and that is the fact that every day someone dies, everyday the world stops for a husband or wife somewhere, a father or a mother, a son or a daughter, to them it's as if the whole world should be grieving their loss because how can such an amazing person be gone forever? But, the world doesn't stop it keeps going as it must, because if the world stopped for every person that left this Earth, we would be permanently frozen in time. However, this isn't what makes the passing of a loved one any less or more important, what makes it so important isn't whether or not the whole country or world hears about it, or even how many people that person knew, it's the strength of the impact that person had on others lives, not in teaching, but in love and compassion, after all as it is said, one true friend is worth more than all the acquaintances in the world.
So that was the rest of my year in a nut shell. Sure I left out the holidays, and the crazy nights, but I guess my life always seems hectic, writing about all the insane nights I had would simply be too much. There is one more recent thought in my mind though, it's what put the idea in my mind to blog in the first place, last night I had a dream....
In this dream there was a lot of things that didn't make sense, things like hugging him as he lay on top of me facing the ceiling, while he lay next to me, he turned in my arms facing me and complimented me and I could tell there was one thing on his mind...sex. It was strange because I rarely see him, only occasionally when I go to his house...but he does play guitar and I always thought he was really cute, so perhaps it was the meaning behind it and the intentions of a man, my minds attempt at making a connection between the two situations and showing me that it's still present in my thoughts. Still...what a strange way of my brain communicating these thoughts to me.
Then she was present in my dreams the odd thing? I can't remember how, I know I dreamt of her but it's as if she was far away, and the lack of contact made our interaction forgettable it was the first thing I dreamt about, but also the first thing to leave my mind...maybe the lack of communication and general face to face interaction between us translated into my dreams.
Then there was this one part of my dream that came to me immediately when I woke to my phone buzzing this morning. We were in my room and this interaction seemed very vivid and real for some reason. We sat Indian style side by side finally watching that movie on my huge computer screen, I can't remember actually seeing the movie, but I knew what it was for some reason. At one point we started joking around and I ended up holding her left hand in my left hand and her right in my right, the moment went from light to serious when I decided to stop wrestling and I just held her hands in place, my heart raced and nerves seem to kick in full blast and then she did something I didn't expect. With her right hand still held in mine she reached up and touched my chin, I shook from an inexplicable cold chill that was overtaking me, it felt like fear, but it wasn't fear of what was happening it was a fear in the back of my mind. She then pulled her hand away from my face back down with mine onto her lap released my left hand and laced it over my right hand so my right hand was between both of her hands, the chilling cold went away and was immediately replaced by a warmth. I felt safe, I felt the fear in the back of my mind dissipate because that's when I realized..even if things changed we wouldn't lose what we had, after all...we did it once before.
"Your defenses were on high, your walls built deep inside.....Was it a dream? Was it a dream? Is this the only evidence that proves it?..."
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Heaven's Not a Place That You Go When You Die, It's That Moment in Life When You Actually Feel Alive...So Live For the Moment
Here we go again...Here I am sitting in front of this stupid computer spilling my heart out and playing my guitar and listening to music all for the same purpose to retain my sanity to keep going and not have to actually say anything to anybody. This is how it used to be, me and my music and reverberating sounds coming from the four walls around me, there was no one I could actually trust and I keep telling myself I want it to be like that again, I keep questioning if the pain that people ultimately cause is worth letting them into your life to help you patch up a sew cuts along the way. But I know that's not what I want, I keep fooling myself and distracting myself and whatever other form of lying to yourself there is because the fact is with all I have as completely selfish as this sounds I'm not happy...The truth being as much of a brave face as I put on for everybody, I'm scared out of my mind, of everything that's coming, of feeling like I'm never going to move on from something that was over before it began and feeling like when you really, truly love someone you can let them be happy with whoever it is that makes them happy, but questioning whether or not I'm strong enough to deal with the pain that I pretend doesn't exist, but now even more I'm scared that between all this lying to myself and trying to be better for everyone else and hiding things so that people can have me there for them, even though I let them believe that it doesn't bother me when they don't ask if I'm falling apart too, I'm scared that between all that I'll lose myself completely..
It's funny, I had the most random flashback yesterday, I thought back to last year just before the beginning of summer I remember silently arguing with myself about calling, feeling so nervous and then laughing at myself thinking I never acted like this and then immediately after thinking ,this is ridiculous, this is never going to go anywhere anyway, I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, but being the emotionally lead person I've always been I went with my heart and said "fuck it" because all I thought is what if I miss the best thing that could ever happen to me and in a way..it was. I sure as hell had no idea what I was getting myself into, everything in my life changed and as hard as it would be for anybody to believe other than me, my world was completely turned upside down. I couldn't and still don't believe how earth shattering something could be, but it was and fuck I dragged my feet through broken glass and then picked myself up with whatever dignity I had left because of course there is no pride involved when true feelings are involved, that all goes out the window and even now I think to myself how completely unlike me and insane that is to be willing to give up everything for one person...even control..which I'm never quick to hand over, ever. But after all that I don't think I'd change a thing...
And yet, another thing comes to mind, I think of that sweet guy that I thought I was falling hard for, but of course it was my heart pulling tricks on me again and then a quick thought crosses my mind that if my feelings could change that quickly for someone why couldn't the same happen to someone over me..I guess it was just something I was never faced with, because I was used to getting the person I wanted if I felt it was worth bothering over as cold and unlike me as that sounds.
Then I think what if's. I think what if I has said yes that day in the lobby, what if on an impulse guilt overwhelmed heart and I said a three letter word instead of the two letter one that came out causing the same effect on him it would soon have on me. Everything's a concatenation of events and we're usually just along for the ride once we start the domino effect. Still I think of all the things that would be different, my friends, my relationships, my open orientation, my health, and myself. I mean even things like my best friend I wouldn't be distanced from him like I am now he wouldn't be ashamed of what I am.
I can tell people how much it hurts, the words that came out of his mouth that day like a foreign language to me like the decade that I knew him that we grew into ourselves suddenly meant so much less, the endless tears that dropped like nothing until I heaved from not being able to breath and could no longer release anymore moisture and how as I sat on the bathroom floor covering my mouth so no one could hear feeling completely empty and as if I had everything to be penitent over, I felt my heart shatter when it was broken to begin with and if it weren't for the ever present ache that returns constantly reminding me what pain feels like I would think it didn't even exist anymore.
But they could care less everybody's too wrapped up in themselves and their own problems that's just the fucking sad truth and I don't understand how or why I have the capacity to love people to the point that I feel their pain and wish it upon myself, just to end their suffering and yet I know this doesn't cross any of their minds again, oblivious. I don't want to feel bad anymore for other people, I just want to stop caring so I can move on with my life and do things for myself and not give something that I don't get in return for once in my damn life because it's been like that my whole life even when I covered it with anger and scowls, it's always been me standing there just as willing to throw myself in front of a car to save a life, yea so what I'm not a picture of modesty right now but it's honestly the only way I know how to be and I wouldn't change that about me even though I feel so much resentment over it like now.
I don't regret being selfless and not the bullshit version of it, not the person that says they'll always be there for you if you need them and then suddenly when they have problems you don't matter anymore because I know far too many people like that, but the person that is willing to drop everything just to wipe away your tears or hold your hand or wrap comforting arms around you because sometimes that's all people really need, not someone to solve all their problems just someone to tell them everything is going to be ok and really mean it from the bottom of their heart..that's all I've ever wanted.
But I don't know, maybe that's just too much to ask in the world we live in today, maybe we all forgot that sometimes we can fool ourselves into believing that we're the center of the universe and that no problems could possibly be worse than ours but truth is, the person sitting right next to you could be planning their own death and yet..there you are wondering why your boyfriend had to break up with you right before prom.
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