The Days Are Numbered

Soon. I will find myself in a car, driving to determine my future.

Soon. I will find myself in a car sitting in the passenger seat, waiting to arrive at a place that may determine my future.

Soon. I will find myself in a car, leaving a place that is filled with potential and growth.




Passing is the first step, for it will give me that which I need to add myself to a list of thousands.

Being admitted is the second, for it will give me the key to my dreams.

Making it.....that's when it becomes real.

I want it...I want it more than anything, it is my passion, it is my heart and soul, but it is not my full happiness. That, is contained within love and within love only. There is things that will be left behind, people that I am not ready to leave. Friendships that may or may not become more. And if I make it? What becomes of that? A question I cannot answer.

Now I feel fear, anxiousness, hurt, disappointment, determination, love, hate, confusion, hope. The problem isn't not knowing how i feel, but rather feeling too much at once. I seem undecided now, but when the moment comes I will not hesitate, I will go for it without looking back and reach a new level. I will doing anything to realize my dreams.

But what could I be leaving behind?

One year. That's how long I have, one year until the strings are cut and I find myself faced with a forbidden ocean, one that once seemed like a pond, with the amount of restrictions put upon it, but no longer will. I am not afraid of the things that I will encounter or the experiences that I will have. I am afraid of what I am leaving behind. Not afraid of it exactly....more afraid of missing it, all of it.

I can't wait....I can wait...I can't decide.
That's the problem. Ugh.