Is This Really Goodbye?

I sit here reflecting on how things once were, but I wonder if what they seemed back then is the truth. I've been engulfed by hurt to the point where I no longer recognize true happiness and what little is left of it, is only temporary, only lasts a fraction of a second until reality sinks in. The numbness I felt since my grandfather passed away, only grew stronger with every word we spoke to each other. I had no intention of causing pain, but in speaking the truth, that is exactly what happened. At first I felt remorse, I felt as if I had broken something that was fragile beyond comprehension. But then as I sat and thought, I realized that what I caused to happen needed to occur. It was an unintentional test, a divine intervention that revealed everything as it existed in it's true form. I read and re-read every word I spoke, or rather didn't speak, crying and wanting to take back everything I had said. And I dreamt of the days when I ignored what I felt no matter how badly it hurt because compared to this giant void I would rather feel pain, deception, disappointment, betrayal --for all of the worlds darkest emotions would never compare to that which overcomes me now....emptiness. That's when I had an epiphany, none of it was hurtful, none of it vindictive or manipulative. It was the truth, how i felt, nothing more, nothing less. If I could have said it to suit her needs I know it would not be my true feelings, for what I said was passion, raw emotion, my heart poured out into words. If she showed me she cared more, that she'd rather make it over the "bump in the road", to speak of the imperfections that seemed so forbidden, to admit everything and reveal anything, whether it meant being right or wrong, instead of pretending as if none of it exists and continuing through life enjoying the pleasantries and ignoring the complications, I don't know what I would do, for I have already familiarized myself with the idea that all good things come to an end, after all that's what our friendship is, good...or rather to me, incredible. And all that continues rushing through my thoughts is, after all that has happened, after all the trust developed, all the secrets kept, all the promises made...

Is this really goodbye?