And when you're spinnin' round and round I'm the psycho goin outta control

Lie, trick, deceive, all things that are considered wrong and of a bad nature, or so it would seem. We are all guilty of committing these wrong deeds at least once and I of course am no different. You have now grown the conception that I have done them merely for what they symbolize, to hurt, and cause misery, but I haven't at least not this particular time.

The only one I hurt was myself and I have no regrets, I planned it from the moment I knew there would be confusion involved, any hint of inner struggles and I slowly got into character as I have always done to spare others. I guess that's the advantage of being an actress, no one really has to know the truth unless you allow them to see it. Have I just revealed my secret? Seemingly yes, but these words will never have meaning for the task has been accomplished.

I did it for you and I did it for her, it seems crazy I know but I would rather you both be happy and yes if I must be engulfed in the chaos I will gladly throw myself among it and assure you that there is no choice. There never was and there never will be, but I wanted you to ostracize me, I did - give you reason to detach yourself not make you feel guilt because you have no reason to. Why do I sabotage myself and the chances I am given? Because I truly believe that no person will ever be fully satisfied with seeing who I am.

Cancer, known as the sensitive sign, but with time grows a harder shell, good right? No because it is true with time I have become stronger but with that shell came detachment, encasement. Trust issues? That would perhaps be the largest understatement I have ever heard, more than anyone will ever know. With the betrayal I have endured, my tears have run dry and I no longer cry for things that once felt so significant, but now I face something worse than hurt, I face isolation.

Whoever knew that in a crowd of hundreds, even when having the best time of your life, you could feel so very alone? I've closed off the world, my friends, my family, nobody really has any idea anymore, because of what? Fear? What am I so afraid of? Oh yeah, everyone proving me right, like they always do. It is true I tricked you into proving me right, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that somewhere in my subconcious thoughts...I wanted you to be the one person to prove me wrong.